The 'pinball method' could be the key to a more satisfying sex life.

When it comes to sex, there are countless ways to spice up your time in the bedroom, with plenty of new positions to try, toys to explore, and kinks to discover. However, many couples are guilty of following an "unwritten script" during intimate moments and simply doing what they think sex is supposed to be.

Sex and intimacy coach Hannah Johnson, better known online as "The Libido Fairy," has coined a term for this: "the escalator." She argues that couples who are constantly "on the escalator" can ruin their sex life without even realizing it. Instead, she recommends getting off the escalator and trying the "pinball" method with your partner for a more fun and satisfying experience.

Here's everything you need to know to give it a try...

What is the escalator theory?

According to Hannah, the escalator theory is the idea that intimacy develops in a "straight, linear progression." This typically begins with kissing, then moves on to touching, oral sex, penetration, and ends with an orgasm. "You start at the bottom of the escalator and feel like you have to go all the way up every time, whether you're fully engaged, aroused, or not," the 33-year-old tells Metro. We end up doing it this way because these steps feel "efficient and familiar," and there's often an unspoken belief that penetration is the "most important thing" and an orgasm is the "goal" of sex.

It's also the order in which we're used to seeing sex in movies and porn, and it's what many of us learned in sex education.

How does using the escalator affect your sex life?

The problem arises when this becomes the default operating procedure in your relationship, because it can significantly impact your desire. "The escalator prioritizes penetration and completing a script over genuine connection and creativity in the bedroom," Hannah explains. "It's typically more problematic for women than men, for a variety of reasons." For most women, desire isn't something you can just turn on; it's responsive, contextual, and can be heavily influenced by safety, novelty, and pleasure.

So, when sex becomes predictable and you're rushing through the steps to get to the "main event," desire starts to wane.

“Desire is motivated by how satisfying an experience is and how much you expect the next experience to be,” says Hannah.

'Eventually the body learns: this isn't pleasant for me, so it doesn't get excited about it anymore.'

As a sex coach, Hannah has worked with many couples stuck on the escalator, and she says they often report that sex feels like a chore or an obligation. Her female clients also admitted to feeling pressure to "be done," even if they weren't enjoying it, leading them to fake orgasms. Some partners even stopped communicating their needs and desires altogether because it felt "awkward" to break the script and they didn't want to "ruin the mood." If you find yourself in this situation, it's worth being honest with your partner, as resentment can easily build if it starts to feel like one person's pleasure is being prioritized over the other's.

Women often need more foreplay and stimulation, for example through kissing

For women, more foreplay is likely necessary, as it's estimated that the body needs 20 to 40 minutes to reach "peak arousal." "Research consistently shows that approximately 70 to 75 percent of women don't orgasm from penetration alone. This means most women need clitoral stimulation, prolonged touching, and a gradual buildup to experience pleasure and orgasm," says Hannah.

When couples stay on the escalator, they often inadvertently forgo the very activities that foster women's arousal—like slow touching, kissing, oral sex, teasing, and emotional presence. If you don't spend time on these, sex can feel neutral at best, or awkward and painful at worst.

She adds: "This is one of the main reasons women in long-term relationships report low libido… It's not because they don't enjoy sex, but because the type of sex they're having doesn't feel good."

How do you get off the escalator?

According to Hannah, the biggest change is the shift from goal-oriented sex to pleasure-focused intimacy. The key is letting go of the idea that every sexual interaction has to involve penetration, and instead truly appreciating arousal. You should also give yourself time to pause, change direction, or stop altogether, and allow yourself more play and experimentation in the bedroom. Instead of riding the escalator, you can have fun and "flip" with your partner by switching between different forms of intimacy, based on what feels good at the moment.

The most important thing to remember is that there is no hierarchy and no finish line this way – you're just having fun, and everything is optional.

She recommends playing pinball in the bedroom instead

Examples of "pinball" include alternating between kissing, oral sex, rubbing or dry humping, massage, using hands or sex toys, taking breaks to cuddle, laugh, or drink, and returning to something you previously enjoyed. Hannah's best tip for making this work is to create a "sex menu" of things you and your partner want to try, with items to experiment with.

She adds: "Playing pinball naturally pushes penetration into the background and puts the fun back in the spotlight. It reduces the pressure and expectation that everything has to be perfect, and allows you to stay in the moment instead of living on autopilot."

'This is how you create a fun and vibrant sex life.'