How do you know if you're ready for a threesome?

You've been with your partner for a few months, and things are going great. They get along with your terribly critical friends, their sense of humor seamlessly aligns with your cynical sarcasm, and even your picky cat is fine with their presence five nights a week. And then comes the question: "Would you ever be open to a threesome?"

Note from Simone: This article discusses a threesome in the context of a monogamous relationship. Want to explore other options? There are also polyamorous and open relationships, which can have different dynamics than a monogamous relationship. Maybe you want to be the 'third person' in a threesome, or have a threesome with two other singles!

Your heart skips a beat, you have a lump in your throat, and suddenly you've forgotten how to swallow. Inhale and swallow. Inhale and swallow. Why is an involuntary reflex so hard to master right now? You try to respond, but only a squeak comes out instead of a direct answer, as you play the entire movie Wild Things in your head.

After the longest awkward silence ever, you finally manage to utter an "I don't know," because honestly, you really don't. And so, after a few more beers and rounds of kissing, they eventually leave, letting you know before they go that they – with no pressure at all – are open to a threesome, if you'd like. You shrug your shoulders and try to maintain your "cool girl" demeanor with a nonchalant "I'll think about it," followed by a self-invented sexy wink that actually just looks like you have something in your left eye.

But you're not just "thinking about it," you're dissecting the matter more thoroughly than your middle school frog experiment. You spend a week Googling and chatting with your girlfriends, desperately trying to determine if you're ready for a ménage à trois before you see your partner again. But all you're left with is a confused mess and an empty wine bottle. How do you know that? How do you know that?!

Those who have experienced a threesome say it's more of an ordeal than an adventure. Between the nervous chitchat, awkward positions, and a touch of jealousy, the whole experience felt intimately inauthentic, so much so that if the same partner you had a threesome with asked you a year later if you were still interested, you said "no"; it had lost its appeal.

Therefore, the first time should not be thoughtless or spontaneous, but carefully prepared to avoid hurt feelings, unnecessary drama, or inner turmoil. So, dear reader, this is how you know if you're truly ready for a threesome.

You don't give in to pressure.

Don't do it just to please your partner – do it because you truly desire it. If you're both equally excited by the idea of an exciting threesome, go for it, but don't reluctantly agree to satisfy your partner. Sacrificing yourself for the team will likely only make the act unpleasant for everyone involved.

You don't feel the need to drink or get high.

If you feel that a shot (or two) is essential to feel loose and relaxed enough to participate, then you're probably not ready yet. If you need some liquid courage to endure the sexual experience sober, then that's a clear sign that adding a third person to the mix will only increase stress rather than enhance pleasure.

Consider: Are you prone to jealousy?

One of the reasons why a threesome is not as sexually liberating as imagined was seeing your partner intimate with another man or woman. Although you knew jealousy could escalate, seeing your partner on top of another man or woman brought feelings to full expression — you literally curled up in a corner in the middle of sex! Don't make the same mistake and let your greatest romantic fear come true. If you already hate the thought of your partner being with someone else, hit the brakes before it's too late.

Analyze the relationship.

Do you trust your partner? Do you feel safe and confident in the relationship? If so, go for it. But if you're afraid they'll enjoy being with the third person more, that's a subtle clue that the relationship might not be able to handle a third person. Furthermore, if your relationship is recovering from infidelity or sexual problems, a threesome could exacerbate those tensions.

"If there has been physical or emotional infidelity in your relationship, a threesome can reopen old wounds," says Dr. Yvonka De Ridder. "Convincing yourself that it will be fine isn't enough; you really need to address those concerns before trying anything."

If you're not rock-solid and excellent communicators, it might not go as smoothly as hoped.

Be honest about your emotional stability.

Not only does the relationship need a strong foundation, but so does your own mental state. If you've been struggling with debilitating anxiety or having trouble with stress lately, a new, intense sexual experience can amplify your fragile emotions and lead to an outburst. So don't take risks. Moreover, emotional baggage will certainly diminish the potential pleasure of a threesome.

Follow your gut.

There are countless factors that can indicate whether or not you're ready, but the best advice is your own intuition. If you know, you know. And if the thought of a ménage à trois gives you a knot in your stomach, trust that feeling.

What is your experience with a threesome?

Leave it below and you'll have a chance to win a 25 euro Happytoys gift voucher....