Social norms determine

Societal norms and the media strongly influence how we view female orgasms, but research shows that women's sexual preferences and experiences with orgasms vary widely.

Research shows that sexual confidence and good communication are important factors in women's sexual satisfaction.

The female orgasm is often portrayed as the center of a woman's sexual satisfaction and the ultimate goal of sex. However, many women don't experience an orgasm during sex until their twenties or even thirties, and the number of women who say they always or almost always have an orgasm during sex is declining.

Societal expectations surrounding female orgasms can be particularly painful for women who don't always experience them. And when the media's portrayal of sex is added to this, the gap between expectation and reality widens even further.

Even in pornographic films, the female orgasm is not a given

Léa J. Séguin – from the Department of Sexology at the Université du Québec à Montréal in Canada – investigated how female orgasms are depicted in mainstream pornography.

In 50 popular video clips included in the study, only 18.3 percent of women achieved orgasm, and clitoral or vulvar stimulation occurred in only 25 percent of these cases.

In a recent survey, 53 percent of men and 25 percent of women in the United States reported having viewed pornography in the past year.

The way the female orgasm is depicted in pornography contradicts research findings. Séguin writes that "mainstream pornography promotes and perpetuates many unrealistic expectations about the female orgasm."

Beyond the stigma of societal expectations and the fantasy world of pornography, what does scientific research tell us about female orgasms? What role does the clitoris play, and more importantly, what do women want when it comes to sexual satisfaction?

The female orgasm in research

A study by Prof. Osmo Kontula of the Population Research Institute of the Family Federation of Finland in Helsinki surveyed more than 8,000 women in Finland about their sexual experiences.

Most women under 35 who participated in the study had their first orgasm through masturbation. For about a quarter of them, this happened before the age of 13, and for a tenth, before the age of 10.

However, the average age at which women first had intercourse was 17. Most women did not experience an orgasm at that time—in fact, only a quarter of participants had achieved an orgasm during intercourse within the first year of their first sexual experience with a partner.

For the rest, it took much longer, and having sex still doesn't guarantee an orgasm for everyone.

Professor Kontula found that in 2015, only 6 percent of women reported always having an orgasm during intercourse; 40 percent said they almost always had an orgasm, 16 percent had an orgasm half the time, and 38 percent rarely had one. A total of 14 percent of women under 35 had never had an orgasm during intercourse.

Since 1999, the number of women who always or almost always experience an orgasm during intercourse has decreased from 56 percent to 46 percent.

To gain more insight into what contributes to a woman's ability to reach orgasm and what hinders it, Professor Kontula delved deeper into the matter.

The recipe for an orgasm

According to Professor Kontula: “The key to women reaching orgasm more often lies in mindset and the relationship.”

“These factors and capacities,” he explains, “included how important orgasms were personally perceived to be; how strong the sexual desire was; how strong the sexual self-confidence was; and how open the sexual communication with the partner was.”

Sexual self-confidence encompassed how sexually skilled and adept women perceived themselves to be in bed. Other positive factors for orgasmic potential included the ability to focus on the moment; mutual sexual initiative; and good partner sexual technique.

Prof. Osmo Kontula

Interestingly, while over 50 percent of women in relationships reported that they usually experience an orgasm during sex, this figure was 40 percent for single women.

Prof. Kontula then emphasizes the importance of the diversity in women's sexual experiences and preferences. "The findings of this study," he writes, "indicate that women differ significantly in their tendency and ability to experience orgasms."

The most frequently cited reasons that prevented participants from reaching orgasm were "fatigue and stress" and "difficulty concentrating." Prof. Kontula also argues that women are increasingly rationalizing sex due to societal expectations and the way they are portrayed in the media.

"Excessive rationalism is the greatest enemy of orgasms. Simply put: thinking does arouse desire, but orgasms only come when thinking stops."

The effect of thoughts on sexual pleasure was recently examined in a survey of 926 women. The study showed that thoughts about "sexual failure" or a "lack of erotic thoughts" during sex had a negative effect on the women's orgasms.

Conversely, erotic thoughts are known to contribute significantly to sexual arousal.

Nan J. Wise, Ph.D. – from the Department of Psychology at Rutgers University in Newark, New Jersey – investigated which brain areas respond to erotic thoughts.

Using functional MRI, she found that imagining stimulation of the clitoris and nipple, compared to self-stimulating these areas, affected different brain regions.

In addition, brain areas “previously shown to be active in the process of genital stimulation leading up to and including orgasm” lit up when participants imagined stimulation with a dildo, Dr. Wise said.

The mind clearly plays an important role in sexual arousal, but it is not the only one.

Clitoral stimulation and orgasm

The debate about the role of the clitoris in female orgasms continues. Last week, for example, we discussed the various theories in our article "The Ins and Outs of the Vagina." Whether an orgasm can be achieved through vaginal stimulation without involving the clitoris is a central topic of scientific debate.

What is clear is that, apart from biological processes and anatomical details, women themselves know how the clitoris plays a role in their personal orgasm experience.

A 2017 study by Prof. Debby Herbenick of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University in Bloomington and her colleagues showed that 36.6 percent of women needed clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm during intercourse.

Also, 36 percent of women said they didn't need clitoral stimulation, but that it did enhance their experience, and 18.4 percent of women said vaginal penetration was sufficient.

Professor Herbenick took her research a step further and asked women about their preference for clitoral stimulation, regardless of whether it was necessary for an orgasm.

Two-thirds of women preferred direct clitoral stimulation, with the most popular movements being up and down, circular, and side to side. About 1 in 10 women preferred firm pressure, while most women preferred light to medium touch to their vulva.

There's clearly no one-size-fits-all answer to the question of what a female orgasm is like. The diversity of women's sexual preferences is further emphasized in a separate study by Professor Herbenick.

What women want

As part of Professor Herbenick's research, 1,046 female and 975 male participants from the United States were presented with a list of sexual behaviors and asked whether they found them "very attractive," "somewhat attractive," "not attractive," or "not at all attractive."

The top 10 behaviors that women found very attractive were:

vaginal intercourse – 69.9 percent
hug more often – 62.8 percent
kiss more often during sex – 49.3 percent
saying sweet, romantic things during sex – 46.6 percent
giving or receiving a massage before sex – 45.9 percent
having soft sex – 45.4 percent
receiving oral sex – 43.3 percent
watching a romantic movie – 41.9 percent
make the room more romantic – 41.3 percent
wearing sexy underwear or lingerie – 41.2 percent

In addition, 40.4 percent of women indicated that having sex more often was very attractive.

However, it's important to realize that there wasn't a category that no woman found attractive. While the study found that the majority of women didn't find watching erotic videos or DVDs very appealing, 11.4 percent of female participants did.

Although there was no difference in how men and women rated many categories, some behaviors were clearly more attractive to men than to women.

For example, men found anal sexual acts (including anal sex, anal sex toys, and anal fingering) more attractive than women. The same was true for oral sex (both giving and receiving), watching a partner undress, and watching a partner masturbate.

So what's the secret to bridging the differences in interests between sexual partners?

Communication is key

It may seem like an obvious solution, but in research on sexual behavior and sexual satisfaction, the theme of communication comes up again and again.

Whether it's talking about sexual desires, preferences, or problems, people who can talk openly with their partners experience more orgasms and are less likely to have low libido.

Sex is strongly linked to happiness. Feeling comfortable with your personal sexual preferences and having a partner who shares and appreciates them are essential ingredients for sexual satisfaction.