More and more people over 50 are dating. We still have sex, fall in love, and work on relationships with each other.

First, let's explain what CIS means: CIS comes from a Latin word meaning "On this side." In other words, a man born in a man's body who is attracted to women... or the other way around, of course...

Today we're talking to Marijn, a sexually active man of 72.

"People like me, born in the 50s and early 60s, grew up with strong patriarchal programming. Yet, the women's liberation movement and the gay rights movement began dismantling that programming in the late 60s and 70s.

However, the culture you're born into and experience as a child can leave a lasting impression – and my generation still cherishes some of those old ideas. Especially heterosexual, cisgender, white men who still hold so much power over what is socially acceptable and what isn't.

And as a man who has primarily dated heterosexual, cisgender women so far, I notice that these outdated ideas appear more frequently, or at least more explicitly, in people my age than in women 30 years younger than me.

One of the biggest examples of influence is the misogynistic idea that a man's appearance is his defining factor, and that men must compete with each other in a kind of underlying aesthetic competition.

While this idea unfortunately can still be found in TV shows, music videos, print media advertisements, and so on, I often feel that men my age struggle with this more than the younger men I know, because culture encouraged this competition much more fiercely when I was young.

I've lost count of the number of times I heard the question: "Is there competition?" or "Are there other guys at school who like you?" when I showed interest in a girl in my youth. Girls were programmed to do everything to be the most attractive girl in school; they were taught that this made them more attractive to us men, supposedly, and thus to society.

In addition, the concept of what was attractive was also ingrained in our young minds, and unfortunately, what was considered attractive was influenced by racism, ableism, ageism, and cisgender heterosexuality.

Even worse, the competition intensified as boys became men. I started my studies in the fall of 1975 and graduated in the spring of 1980. At that time, while I no longer felt pressured to focus solely on dating, finding a woman to marry was still expected of me as much as completing my studies and finding a career.

I cannot tell you how many times in the last 30 years, since my late twenties, I have received looks that were a mixture of confusion and pity, when someone asked me: "How can it be that a wonderful man like you is not married?" And once I was married, it was: "Why don't you have children?"

This value system is archaic, and it saddens me that so many women in my generation still hold this expectation of men.

I believe it actually goes back to the prevailing views in the Middle Ages, which instilled in every man that it was his sacred duty to care for his wife who bore him children.

There's no point in clinging to outdated, misogynistic, patriarchal patterns, and dating later in life is an excellent opportunity to free yourself from those old patterns. Being married and having children is wonderful, but it's not a prerequisite for being a "real man" – an expectation I heard as a child and still occasionally encounter from others in my life.

I don't mean to suggest that you should date to cure misogyny, but that dating for no other immediate reason than simply enjoying someone's company is itself a form of liberation.

It's also perfectly fine to date with the hope of marrying or remarrying, but my point is that you shouldn't immediately make that the primary goal of dating. People in their fifties have experienced so much more loss, death, birth, career changes, and so on, that I've found them perfectly capable of enjoying every moment, whenever possible.

Many people over fifty are finally more present in their lives, perhaps because they truly understand that none of us know how long we will be on this beautiful, spinning world. Dating can be a way to enjoy the moment; I encourage you to view it that way, at least initially.

So, if you're a heterosexual, cisgender man over 50 like me who is interested in dating women? Then here are a few important "don'ts" for you.

1. Don't assume that the woman you're dating only dates heterosexual cisgender men – even if you are one. Don't assume she's cisgender.

The idea that your date is heterosexual, cisgender, and dates the same type of men is based on heteronormative and cisgender-normative values. That's what we've been taught.

But those messages were deeply sexist; they ignored and validated a lot of violence against women and non-binary people. It's time to let them go! To help you with that, remember the lyrics of Bob Dylan: "The Times, They Are A Changin'."

Then just enjoy being with her, without rigid expectations about who she is and how she dates.

Instead of confronting her with outdated, oppressive, and utterly boring rules, embrace the beauty of a woman who tells you exactly who she is and how she wants to be treated. Moreover, who knows what new, unexpected things you'll learn about yourself and your own desires.

2. Don't perpetuate a double standard regarding age and gender

No, you don't necessarily have to date a woman 20 years younger just because women my age only want to sit on a cruise ship and talk. Yes, that's what I was actually told when approached by a woman much older than me.

This attitude that women should be younger than the man they're in a relationship with, besides discrimination based on disability, age, and weight, is also rooted in the underlying assumption that still lives on in men my age: that part of the reason women are here on Earth is for a man's pleasure – so she must conform to his ideal of attractiveness.

This attitude also assumes that much younger women are more attractive, and therefore the man, feeling entitled, believes he should be with a much younger woman.

I vividly remember assuming I would marry a younger woman because the media and TV were full of such images. This was instilled in boys of my generation as soon as we could understand the idea of marriage.

Whatever you do, a woman your age can do it just as well. And you have no right to... criticize, mock, or reject someone who can't. We all get older, and as we age, our bodies and desires change.

I applaud a woman who pursues her own sense of happiness – whether that's on a cruise ship, at a bingo night, or climbing a mountain.

Moreover, if a woman, for example, has indicated that she wants to date a younger man, she has a reason for that.

Personally, I simply ask for that because I genuinely enjoy shared generational experiences. That's important to me. So if a woman 20 years younger approaches me with a sense of entitlement and the expectation that I do the opposite of what I had planned, purely to meet his superficial expectations, I find that irritating and hurtful to older men.

3. Do not perpetuate the misogynistic pattern of "body competition" among women

As I mentioned in the introduction, women my age were raised with the idea that they had to compete for men's attention in a beauty contest. Please don't perpetuate that.

Women have told me that even though they didn't have large breasts, they did have long legs, and they preferred those anyway.

Saying that to a woman is an insult to all women.

Do not compare and contrast appearances. Be prepared for most women over 50 to be reasonably confident and able to appreciate beauty in all its different forms. The same goes for men.

Let's enjoy admiring beautiful people around us, and also beautiful dogs, cats, trees, and clouds! That's much more interesting than perpetuating misogynistic body competitions.

4. Don't automatically assume we are monogamous

We don't have to be. And don't just make assumptions about us if we choose to pursue a loving, caring, and ethical polyamorous lifestyle. Likewise, don't make negative assumptions about us if we prefer monogamy! Feel free to bring up those lifestyle choices. Maybe not right away. We can first discuss shared interests, politics, spirituality, and other topics before talking about intimacy.

5. Don't assume our genitals no longer work

I bring this up because that myth STILL surfaces. Unfortunately, even young men have been presented with such misconceptions, which is especially painful to hear. That prevailing assumption about men over 50 is fueled by deeply rooted youth privilege in this country, as well as misogyny.

The flip side of that is similar to the slut-shaming sexually active young people experience. confrontation can occur. An older man flirting is usually appreciated as youthful and vital, while an older woman flirting risks being told she is "desperate."

Yes, a friend of mine got that comment after some innocent flirting, and mutual flirting at that! The underlying message is: how dare an older woman be sexual? Well, uh, I dare, and so do many other men my age.

Most sexually active women over 50 practice self-care for their genitals so they can enjoy many more years of sexual activity. Men over 50 can also practice self-care for their genitals. If you use Viagra, or a more natural alternative, good for you. Women don't think less of you. Getting older is part of it. It's nothing to be ashamed of; just do something about it. If you need another 15 minutes of foreplay for the blue pill to kick in, do you really think women mind?

No, we will tremendously enjoy those 15 minutes!!!!

And you are never too old to buy happytoys, go online, and/or take fun courses on sexual pleasure. If you are in a sexual relationship and your partner agrees, feel free to try out your new, advanced sexual knowledge!

6. Do not assume a smooth or clearly defined progression of our dating relationship

We are both in a different stage of life than when we might have dated before. Just because we went out every Friday night doesn't mean we lose interest if we're unavailable for a month or two.

We might have a parent who is dying, or a close friend who is sick; we may need to take two months off to be with them. The same could happen to you, and we won't abandon you or make negative assumptions.

How about sending us cheerful emails while we're away, or calling us and asking if you can do anything for us while we support our loved ones during this difficult time?

Many of us have also reached a peak in our careers and are suddenly completely immersed in the project of our lives. We still appreciate you, perhaps even cherish you, but we want to achieve this important goal.

Be understanding of our periodic lack of time; show enthusiasm and support for our successes. There will be other times when we are much more available.

7. Don't rush to label us or specifically define the relationship

Many of us just want to enjoy your company and have no hidden agenda. Again, most men over 50 have a strong sense of self-worth. It's not that we rule out a serious, long-term relationship – it's more that we often don't have that as a clearly defined goal.

Let's just enjoy each other, and this big, beautiful world we live in! If we eventually enter a long-term relationship and/or marriage later in life, that's great! But for many men and women over 50, it's a relief not to have a specific relationship goal, but simply to enjoy every moment with their new friend.

What "enjoy" means for everyone differs and can be discussed and explored over time. This list is certainly not exhaustive and will not be relevant for every man over 50 who is dating. But I hope it's a start. Finally, I want to say that I enjoyed and still enjoy getting to know women at this stage of my life. I am still attracted to them, and I still want to get to know them. I also enjoy the flexibility of not having a specific goal in mind regarding a relationship – other than simply enjoying my romantic contacts and letting them enrich my life.

I recently moved and as I'm settling into my new home, I'm starting to meet local women and enjoy conversations with them. I have no doubt that I'll be dating again soon – hopefully with fantastic ladies who value love and happiness more than the status quo – and I'm looking forward to it!