Here's the thing about slutty women: Some people love us and some people hate us, but everyone wants to talk about us. With talk comes rumors, and with rumors come myths, lies, and stereotypes.

The more we hear these misconceptions and slut shaming, the more we try to distance ourselves from the label "slut." We might try to change how we dress, how we act, and what we do, but what we're really doing is robbing ourselves of our full potential for pleasure and who we truly are.

Not every fantastic, feisty, feminist woman can be pigeonholed as a "Slutty Girl." So, here are twelve common myths and stereotypes about Slutty Girls that are holding you back from being yourself and experiencing true pleasure.

Myth 1: Sluts do it for the attention.

I grew up in a school system that punishes, and even shames, girls for showing too much shoulder. I've often heard that women show "too much" skin for attention. Supposedly, we dress in ways deliberately designed to attract the male gaze and steal husbands, for the sheer thrill of all that glorious, delicious attention. Women who wear a skirt that's too short or a top that's too small are labeled sirens and should be avoided like the devil himself.

But despite this common myth, our clothing choices, however provocative to the outside eye, aren't necessarily for attention. I wear clothes that I feel comfortable in and that show my personality, not because I want everyone to see more of my ass than the average Karen would consider acceptable. You'd have to be blessed enough to catch a glimpse of my tight, round ass if I wanted to show it off.

Along the same lines, we've all heard about the slut who flirted with every guy "for attention," or the slut who dated and slept with everyone, obviously "for attention." Flirting and seeking physical connection with someone can mean I want their attention. I want them to see me, feel me, to want me in a very intimate way... or maybe I just want to have fun, connect, and have some fun! It can also mean I'm feeling truly myself that day and brightening up a room... or just being friendly and taking it for flirting! Either way, there are people who brag about their sexual experiences and others who prefer not to kiss or tell, but despite what you know about my "oh-so-sinful" sexual adventures, I didn't fuck them for your attention, and attention is rarely my primary goal.

The LGBTQ+ community hears this stereotype perhaps more often than most. The young woman who explores her desires for another woman is doing so to gain the attention of her parents or boys—not because she's genuinely interested in girls. The person who always dressed as a man starts dressing as a woman because they desperately crave "attention"—not because they want to express their identity.

The false conclusion that attention is the end goal of self-expression or the pursuit of intimacy of any kind speaks to our overall disregard for women's autonomy and self-expression, and the patriarchal centering of men and the male gaze, as if every action must be for someone else's benefit or attention, rather than our own self-actualization.

Myth 2: Sluts sleep with everyone.

Just because someone identifies as a slut or has been vilified as such by society doesn't mean they don't have standards or desires when it comes to a partner. Sexual urges, and the ability to often control them, say nothing about a slut's standards. Someone who identifies as a slut likely loves themselves and often has high standards because they freely grant themselves what they want, instead of worrying about what others think. People often think that sluts objectify themselves, while a slut simply feels free to embody and express their sexuality. This doesn't mean they're not picky or don't have preferences.

And hey, if you're a slutty girl who sleeps with everyone, as long as you're happy and healthy and get consent, I don't care. Why? Because it doesn't affect me in any way, shape, or form. Keep using protection, be smart, and do what you want!

Myth 3: Sluts have problems with their fathers.

While this myth is inherently false, some sluts may have what we call "daddy issues," others may not. That's not for us to guess or judge. Many people have trauma, and how we deal with and heal from our trauma doesn't reflect our worth or value.

What I want to address is how we project a father's mistakes or absence onto the child he neglected or hurt, and then use their parents' behavior to belittle and demean someone dealing with that trauma. This myth implies, and often states outright, that the supposed effects of childhood trauma are somehow her fault, and that this must be the reason she sleeps with people. If you believe that "daddy issues" create "sluts," then the "solution" would be to make fathers do better, not to shame women for having sex.

 

Myth 4: Feminists hate men.

This is more about the label "feminist" than the label "slut." But if you're truly a capital-S capital-G "slutty girl," then you're a feminist. And here's the thing: feminists don't hate men.

I mean, yeah, some of us do that for personal reasons. And most of us will admit that some cis men, because of the patriarchal society they live in, can be a bit trashy overall. But come on. We love our male friends, we love our male allies, and many of us love the "D"—which is often associated with a man. So no, feminists and sluts don't generally hate men.

I loved a man so much and his pleasurable penis that I even imitated it to use myself when he wasn't around.

Myth 5: Sluts hate women.

There are women who like to say, "Other women don't like me" or "I prefer to be friends with men." Perhaps some women have been betrayed by a boyfriend or haven't had many women in their lives, but the average slut loves women. We love our sisters, not just our cis-ers or biological sisters. We share our pain, our happiness, our advice with other women and femmes, and together we create our own sense of slutty sisterhood. Femininity, and therefore sluttiness, is a community.

There are women who hate sluts for various reasons, some of which are listed above. It's not often that a slut hates women.

 

Myth 6: Sluts are bad feminists.

So you've read my feminist perspective in the first five points, but you're still not sure if I'm a feminist? You might believe that embracing your sexuality, as a woman, is disempowering or contributes to the heteronormative patriarchy that so often degrades women.

That's the thing: for some, it might not be empowering. But for other women, and most Slutty Girls, being sexual is a matter of power. If it's not one of your methods for fighting the patriarchy, that's fine. But it is one of mine, and other women choose to embrace this lifestyle as well. True feminism means accepting that both paths of action, and everything in between, are okay.

Myth 7: Sluts grow old and lonely with only cats for company.

First of all, if I only have cats, wine, pizza, Netflix, my vibe, and books for company in middle age, I'll be a happy person. Let's face it, for some Slutty Girls, this is a damned ideal.

But on to the real conversation: man, that's just not true. Being a feminist doesn't mean you're an outsider or incorrect. Being a slut doesn't mean that either. Having radical or unique views on life might set Slutty Girls apart, but being different doesn't prepare you for a life alone. Rather, it means we're forward-thinking, progressive, and ready to embrace the future. Whether that future involves a man, a woman, ten cats, or all three.

Myth 8: A slutty lifestyle is unhealthy.

Some slutty girls are trans. Some are LGBTQ+. Some have multiple sexual partners. Some smoke weed. Some masturbate a lot. Some are party animals. Some are non-binary. Some are vegan. Some are adrenaline junkies. Some are fat. If you fall into any of these categories, you've probably been told that you or your choices are unhealthy. But that's simply not true.

If you're happy and healthy, if you don't harm others, if you use protection, if you're open and honest with your sexual partners—then there's nothing wrong with your lifestyle. "Healthy" means something different to everyone. You worry about yourself, and I worry about myself.

 

Myth 9: A vagina that has been used a lot is uh... wider

Okay, no. Just no. A damn baby can fit through it and it'll go back to its original size and shape, or maybe not. Besides, Slutty Girls are trained, so those of us with vaginas know all about Kegel exercises to keep those muscles as tight as we want the rest of our bodies to be. I get it. The fact that I have dildos bigger than your penis intimidates you.

One other thing: "Loose" doesn't mean bad, and it doesn't mean promiscuous. People are built differently, and sex can be enjoyable for all partners, regardless of their anatomy. In heterosexual relationships, there are probably more girls who accept small penises than guys who accept ~loose~ vaginas.

 

Myth 10: Sluts have no morals.

This goes back to sleeping with everyone. Everyone has norms and values. Moreover, having values ​​goes hand in hand with our feminist ideology.

And yes, slutty women can be religious. Of course, we're not all religious, but enjoying sex doesn't mean you can't also enjoy your relationship with God or another religion.

 

Myth 11: Sluts will never feel fulfilled.

We've all heard it: people who cheat simply want to fill a void. That applies to some, but also to any other activity, from religion to drinking, from art to drugs, from working out at the gym to working out in bed.

For many, fulfillment comes from positive aspects of life. That could be a hobby, a family, a career, and so on. And you know what? Maybe sex fulfills some people. If so, good for you. I wouldn't say it fulfills me, but it does make me feel good. And feeling good helps me continue to achieve my goals in other areas of life! When I have sex, I'm more likely to be in a good mood at work and go to the gym a few times a week!

 

Myth 12: Being a slut is just a phase. We'll grow out of it.

Finally, I know some people think being a slut is just a phase. Sure, for some of us, our party girl or player days will only last a few years. But just because I might only fit the definition of a slut for a short time doesn't mean I won't be a slutty girl for the rest of my life.

Forget the haters, the rumors, and the lies. Be a slutty girl—do what you want!