3, 2, 1... done

There's little as disappointing as getting into the bedroom, building up the tension with foreplay, and as soon as he penetrates you... he cums. Nothing is as unsatisfying, especially after a whole evening of foreplay. But it's not a disaster if a man comes too soon – and here's how to deal with it.

nothing to be ashamed of... maybe even a compliment?

As soon as he comes, he'll probably apologize or feel ashamed. It's important not to judge him for coming so quickly and to reassure him that you don't have a problem with it. While it might be a disappointment because you haven't had an orgasm, there's nothing more to be done at that moment. He's come; it's happened. It's time to think about what you're going to do now.

Most men will ask how they can make it up if they come too soon (and if they don't, you should talk to them about selfish behavior in bed). In the best-case scenario, you take a break and he's ready for round 2 again quickly. In the worst-case scenario, he can't get an erection – but there's still more you can do together!

Wait a moment for the second round

If he can have penetrative sex again, wait a moment before immediately starting. An orgasm is tiring, and if you also want an orgasm, he needs to have enough energy to satisfy you. You can relax and talk or slowly work towards it with foreplay. If he penetrates you this time, he probably won't get an orgasm right away.

If he can't have sex anymore (which can happen!), this is a good time to introduce oral sex. Let him start by stimulating your erogenous zones: usually your lips, neck, nipples, clitoris, and inner thighs. Let him suck, kiss, and lick all your erogenous zones before focusing on oral sex. You don't need internal satisfaction to have an intense orgasm. Some women prefer the orgasms they get from oral sex. Sometimes, when he starts oral sex, he gets so aroused that you can have penetrative sex again. But there's always a chance that won't happen.

see it as a compliment

Don't feel guilty if he comes first. That says nothing negative about you (in fact, it means you were too attractive to handle). And even worse, don't let him feel guilty for coming first. Some men are nervous about sex, and the build-up of tension, excitement, and physical intimacy can make him come immediately upon penetration. He can't control it, and if you make an issue of it, he'll be even more nervous the next time you have sex.

Make him feel comfortable. Say you completely understand, even if this isn't the first time it's happened to you. He's normal and needs to hear that he's normal and that you don't think he's a loser for coming early. Just take it as it is and work on it together. Maybe there are certain positions where he comes faster. That can be useful if you want him to come. Or maybe he just needs to get used to sex with you and was too nervous. Whatever the problem, it's perfectly normal for men to come early sometimes.

Almost all women will have sex with a man who comes first at some point. Remember to be understanding. You wouldn't like it if someone laughed at you for something you can't control, and neither would he. Maybe he's doing everything he can to outlast you.