"Let's talk about sex, baby!" sang the hip-hop trio Salt-n-Pepa in the '90s, and this is literally something couples should do. A sexual relationship increases intimacy and can add a fun and enjoyable element to your relationship. While the frequency of sex is entirely up to you—and you can have a fulfilling relationship without sex—getting to know each other better sexually can enhance your relationship.

One way to do this is by asking your partner "sex questions." These conversations help you both understand each other better and lead to a generally more satisfying sex life.

Dr. Angela Tan, CEO and head coach of the Academy of Relationship & Sex (ARAS), says that discussing sex-related questions allows us to understand each other's preferences, set expectations, and avoid assumptions or misunderstandings that can lead to arguments. Moreover, because sex is often considered a taboo topic, talking about it means you trust your partner enough to share your vulnerabilities and is a way to strengthen your bond.

In addition, it can clear up any misunderstandings or misconceptions you may have about the topic and give you the opportunity to express your concerns, for example about your previous partners, contraception, painful sex and whether or not you've been tested for STIs.

The right time to have a conversation about sex.

So when's the best time to have this conversation? Dr. Tan reveals that any time is appropriate. Do it when you trust your partner enough to talk about vulnerable topics. It doesn't have to happen all at once; you can discuss it in stages.

"For couples who are open to sex before marriage, it's best to talk about it when you both feel like sex is coming, before it actually happens," Dr. Tan advises. "You can also talk about it after sex to share your thoughts and experiences. For couples who prefer to have sex after marriage, it's good to include this in your pre-wedding conversations, along with wedding planning and applying for housing."

These questions about sex aren't just for couples who are just starting to have sex. They can also be helpful if you've been having sex for a while and are satisfied with your sex life. Dr. Tan says you might discover new things about your partner that you didn't know before, and there might also be things your partner was too shy to share.

"In my work with couples, I've noticed that many men think they're great in bed, that they can last a long time and have sex multiple times a night, but their partners aren't always satisfied. Most women are afraid to say what really gives them pleasure," says Dr. Tan.

Not everyone enjoys talking about sex, and it can be a difficult topic to broach, even if you're married. Dr. Tan recommends doing it in a neutral setting, such as a relaxed conversation on the couch. Never initiate this conversation in bed, before, during, or after sex. There's a good chance things will go wrong then, because your partner's mind is already focused on sex.

Also, start with a neutral opening, such as, "I read an article about talking about sex with my partner and I thought it would be helpful if I could understand your needs better" or "I was chatting with my friends and this topic came up, and I'm curious to hear your opinion on it."

"Go as far as your partner is comfortable with; you don't have to ask all the questions at once," Dr. Tan adds. "You can suggest discussing some of the more provocative or flirtatious questions during your next sexual play session."

Questions to get you started

Still unsure about what questions to ask your partner? While some questions may be performance-oriented and sound like you're conducting a job interview to assess your partner's performance, keep the conversation informal and lighthearted, even if the topics are serious.

Dr. Tan gives some serious and flirty questions to get you started.

Serious questions

What were your previous sexual experiences like? This can include sexual activities like caressing, cuddling, and mutual masturbation, not just intercourse; as well as masturbation habits, not just partnered sex. "This can bring up previous failed experiences or sexual abuse, so it's important that this conversation takes place in a safe or neutral setting, and that both parties agree not to judge each other," says Dr. Tan.

What do you like/dislike about sex?

Is there anything you would like to improve?

What is your desired frequency of sex and how long should it last?

What turns you on and what doesn't?

When is a good time to approach you for sex without being rejected?

Do you prefer to initiate yourself or me? (Share cues on how you both can initiate)

What do you think I like? (If the couple already has sexual experience, this is also an opportunity to clarify any assumptions.)

Do you watch pornography?

What genre of porn do you watch?

And would you mind if we watch it together? (Assuming you don't mind watching porn)

What is your preferred form of contraception/protection?

I'll share what I feel comfortable with. (If you've both had previous partners, it's also a good idea to get tested for STIs.)

What are your boundaries around sex, e.g., penile-vaginal sex, oral sex, anal sex, the use of sex toys, bondage, etc.?

What are your concerns/fears about sex? (especially for first-time users)

Provocative/flirty questions:

Tell me about a fantasy of yours.

What's your favorite sex position?

Tell me one thing that will definitely turn you on.

Tell me how you want to be kissed.

What's a favorite place you'd like to have sex?

"I hope women feel that talking about sex is important and that it will make them feel safer and more connected, leading to a better sexual experience," Dr. Tan adds. "It can be fun and flirty at times. But there are important things we need to know beforehand."