I'll admit I used to be jealous of women in porn or on TV who jumped from one mind-blowing orgasm to the next. Sure, they might have been acting (and I don't recommend basing your sexual expectations on porn), but my sex life was boring back then, and I craved a change.
It's hard enough for mothers to find time for one orgasm, let alone multiple ones. As a sex therapist, I often get clients' reactions: "Aliah, you're kidding. I find it hard enough just to have one orgasm." But after a few weeks or months of practice, they rave about how completely their sex lives have changed.
Before we delve into that, there are a few assumptions that apply to every method. First, couples who communicate always have a better sex life than those who don't. Let your partner know what you're trying to achieve and how you're going to do it, so they can adjust accordingly.
Secondly, it's important to allow room for error. Expect it to take a while before you see results, as every woman is different. Don't measure your success by the results of others, and accept that some things that work for others won't work for you—and vice versa.
Strengthen your pelvic floor muscles
Kegel exercises, Kegel exercises, Kegel exercises—I can't recommend them enough. They're the easiest exercise in the world, and the benefits are enormous. If you're not familiar with Kegel exercises, the concept is quite simple.
Tighten your pelvic floor muscles as if you were trying to hold in gas. Hold this tension for a moment and inhale deeply for a few seconds, then relax for a few seconds as you exhale. Repeat this 10 times morning, afternoon, and evening.
With Kegel exercises, the rule of thumb is: the more, the better. Don't force anything and don't add extra repetitions. Contact your doctor if you experience pain. It's also advisable to consult a pelvic floor specialist if you have persistent pain, difficulty urinating, or difficulty reaching orgasm. If you have an underlying medical condition that prevents you from achieving orgasm, some of these tips may not be helpful.
Kegel exercises are also great for your partner. If they have a penis, Kegel exercises can help them achieve a harder erection and gain more control over ejaculation. This can lead to longer sex sessions, giving them more pleasure and giving you more time to reach orgasm.
You can even do Kegel exercises during sex. Some women find that tightening their pelvic floor muscles just before orgasm can enhance sensation, prolong it, and even lead to multiple orgasms.
Solo pleasure enhances pleasure with a partner.
Masturbation not only feels amazing, but it also connects you with your body and sexuality. By experimenting, you'll discover more and more ways to achieve orgasm.
More than a third of women who masturbate can achieve a second orgasm within a minute of their first orgasm, and most women climax faster when they masturbate.
An orgasm involves muscle contractions, and masturbation normalizes these contractions and trains your muscles to perform them more easily. It's almost like muscle memory, meaning that the more orgasms you have, the easier it becomes to achieve them.
Change things up.
Women's bodies are so beautiful and complex that we can have different types of orgasms – as many as twelve, according to some studies.
No way to achieve orgasm is as reliable as clitoral stimulation, but it can become uncomfortably sensitive after an orgasm. Some women overcome this hypersensitivity to experience multiple orgasms, and if you want to, you should definitely do so.
For others, the clitoris needs a break after the first round. Once our partners have found one way to bring us to orgasm, they often get tunnel vision and neglect other erogenous zones. Keep things exciting by guiding their hands, lips, and tongue to your other erogenous zones. These could be your neck, breasts, thighs, perineum (the area between your vagina and anus), and more.
This can also mean changing the pace, from fast to slow, changing positions to on top or on bottom, or vice versa. Riding your partner to a numbing orgasm and then pulling them on top of you for slow, deep, passionate stimulation can send your pleasure centers through the roof.
For many women, switching directly from clitoral stimulation to G-spot stimulation is another way to string together orgasms. Everyone is different, and only you know what works for you. Some of us just need a break before returning to clitoral stimulation, and that's perfectly fine.
Take your time
Sex is as much about the journey as the destination, so don't always try to reach orgasm as quickly as possible. Edging is a way to practice reaching orgasm without actually reaching it.
Edging is when you bring yourself to the brink of orgasm and then stop completely, allowing your body to relax until you're ready again. Many people find this a wonderful experience, while others can't stand the wait.
For women who desire multiple orgasms, edging has the unique effect of training your body to maintain a heightened state of pleasure. This can make it easier to have multiple orgasms, as your body becomes accustomed to that state of pleasure.
Edging doesn't work for everyone, so don't worry if it's not for you. If you experience negative feelings or disinterest in sex after edging, there's no reason to keep trying.
Don't be afraid to use sex toys!
For you and your partner, sex toys can make the difference between good sex and fantastic sex. Some of us have become accustomed to thinking that using sex toys means we're too difficult to please or not good enough in bed to give our partner an orgasm.
That's not true! Our bodies are designed more for reproduction than for giving pleasure. Besides, while I always recommend working on your sexuality, sometimes mothers just don't have the time and need pleasure quickly.
Sex toys—especially vibrators—are a great way to quickly reach sexual ecstasy. Using them on the clitoris, perineum, anus, or penis can feel euphoric. If you find it difficult or impossible to orgasm without a vibrator, that's okay! Masturbation, Kegel exercises, and varying your orgasms can all help you work towards this over time, but there's nothing wrong with using a vibrator—you deserve to reach orgasm anyway.
If your partner has a penis, a penis sleeve can help them last longer. It can also give you both some extra length to try new positions. Some models even vibrate, making the pleasure even more intense for both of you.
The possibilities of sex toys are endless; only your imagination sets the limit. Even minimal use can help you achieve multiple orgasms and discover new ways to do so.
Be proactive about your orgasm triggers.
Orgasm triggers aren't necessarily limited to sexual stimulation. Do your toes curl when you have an orgasm? Does your breathing become heavy? Do you instinctively grab your partner and press your fingers into their back when you climax?
Do these things when you're almost ready for another orgasm. Your brain already associates these behaviors with sexual release, so by doing them, it signals that it's time to come again.
Key points
Your body is unique, and there's no other body like yours. It's okay if it takes a while to achieve multiple orgasms, or if some tips don't work for you. Ultimately, each of us walks our own path to sexual satisfaction.
But don't be discouraged if it takes a while. It is physically possible to have multiple orgasms, and you will achieve it if you keep trying.
Remember that sex with a partner requires at least two people, and the better you communicate with each other, the better it will be. If the learning curve is a bit steep for them, that doesn't mean your sex life is a failure, and it doesn't mean it can't work. Understanding your partner's sexual needs and desires will improve the quality of your sex life just as much as it will yours.
Our sexuality changes throughout our lives. It's a never-ending journey, so never be afraid to do more research or contact a sexual therapist if you want to learn more.
