A note from Simone beforehand: This article focuses on the problematic ways men are socialized to approach women they find attractive. These men can be heterosexual, bisexual, pansexual, or queer, and they can be cisgender or transgender.

Ah, the stereotypical male pick-up attempt.

Boy sees girl. Boy finds girl attractive.

Boy approaches girl and tries to get her into bed by telling her how sexy she looks in her lime green halter top and skinny jeans, and that if she sleeps with him, he'll treat her to breakfast in bed with homemade boiled eggs, a rusk, and freshly squeezed orange juice.

Girl finds boy creepy and tells him to buzz off. Boy, feeling rejected and hurt, gets angry and attacks girl, calling her a bitch and a dumb slut.

"You weren't that pretty anyway!"

The scenario above, though slightly (a little) exaggerated, is common. A man, in a bar, cafe, or elsewhere in public, finds a woman attractive and tries to get to know her, date her, or sleep with her by complimenting her.

But something goes wrong.

The potentially well-intentioned compliment has an unwanted effect, and both parties become frustrated and angry.

This situation can also occur when a man already knows a woman but wants to take the next step. The woman may feel put off by the man's advances, which suddenly put a good friendship under pressure.

So what exactly goes wrong in these situations?

Because here's the thing: men and women who find someone of the opposite sex attractive might want to let them know. And that's fine. In fact, many of us like to receive compliments.

But it's the intention behind the compliment that can be problematic. And I'm not saying that male sexuality and male sexual desires are wrong, even if many people think feminists believe that. Feminists don't say that at all. I'm not saying that either.

We are saying that sexual entitlement is wrong.

It's when someone feels entitled to the fulfillment of that sexual desire, or has other motives, that it crosses another's boundaries and becomes creepy – or at least uncomfortable. Men, we love it when you find a woman attractive and want to let her know, but there's a right and a wrong way to do it.

Therefore, we offer a few tips on how to approach it correctly.

1. Adjust your expectations

If you find a woman attractive, fine. Feel free to tell her. Just don't expect it to lead to more. If it does, great. If not, you'll have better luck next time.

The point is, you should be nice to a woman, simply for the sake of being nice to her. If you only talk to her or are nice to her to have sex with her, that's pure manipulation.

It can help to start your remark with your intention, as a male friend of mine once did: "I'm not trying to pick you up or anything, but you have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen."

2. Start a conversation (or several conversations) with her first

Despite your good intentions, some women will simply be put off by a compliment from a stranger. It can sometimes make women feel like their bodies are there for your judgment and entertainment – and that's not a pleasant feeling.

It always helps to get to know someone a little first – even if only for a few minutes.

Starting a conversation about the difficult chemistry exam you have next week or the cool band playing in town can have the positive effect of breaking the ice and discovering what you have in common.

Having conversations with people has multiple benefits: it helps others get to know you, it builds trust, and it makes you come across as a much more genuine person and not just the desperate man who needs sex.

3. Compliment her on something other than her appearance

Regardless of their age, achievements, or social status, women are overwhelmingly judged on their appearance.

Even Hillary Clinton, with all her great political successes, is still the subject of articles focusing on her hair or clothing choices. Some women appreciate being recognized for what they do or who they are more than for how they look.

So if you know something about a woman – for example, that she gave a great speech in a college class you shared, or that she makes a delicious latte at the Starbucks where she works – compliment her on that instead of her appearance.

Not only does it show that you're interested in her personality and achievements, but it will likely also be a welcome change for her.

4. Avoid sexually suggestive "compliments"

If you decide to say something nice about her appearance – which is entirely your choice – avoid sexual undertones or comments about what you'd like to do with her.

This is called sexual objectification, which means reducing someone to nothing more than the sum of their body parts, used for another's pleasure. There's nothing positive about that.

Sometimes it's difficult to see the difference between a comment about someone's body and an explicitly sexual comment.

That's why I recommend choosing a feature you find interesting or striking, rather than focusing on body parts considered explicitly sexual.

Because complimenting someone's shiny hair or glowing skin is very different from saying she has a sexy ass, which has a sexual undertone and leans towards objectification.

Above all, remember that someone's body is theirs, and entering that personal space can make some people very uncomfortable.

5. Be sincere

Above all, be honest. Don't make things up to start a conversation with her or to have sex.

Pro-tip: If it sounds like a cheesy pick-up line, it probably is. There's a difference between shouting: "Hey baby, you must be from Tennessee, because you're the only ten I see!" and asking me how my day is, respectfully asking if you can talk to me for a moment, or giving me a genuine compliment.

Once, a man told me I had very nice teeth, which might sound strange, but I knew it was true, and that's why I appreciated it. (Well, braces and whitening gel are expensive!)

So men, remember this: women like to receive compliments, but they also value their personal space. Be honest and respectful, and women will be more likely to appreciate your efforts.