An Interview with Renate

Interviewer: Welcome, Renate! It's wonderful to have you with us today to tell us about one of the most intense experiences of your life: your very first BDSM date. To begin, how do you look back on it now, years later?

Renate: Thank you! If life has taught me one thing, it's that it's almost impossible to remember some moments perfectly, no matter how much you want to. Sometimes that protects you, but sometimes you would give all your limbs to recall every minute of a day in detail. The first time I met my Dom... that's one of those days.

But then again, if I knew every detail, it might get in the way of my ability to enjoy it! (Laughs) So I cherish the random flashes of memory I've kept all these years.

The Arrival and First Contact

Interviewer: It all started on FetLife, right? How did a simple message lead to this meeting?

Renate: Completely true. I had written a short post responding to how the older ladies in the village were always trying to set me up with some 'nice, Good man'. My response at the time was: "I don't want a nice man, I want someone who will fuck me hard, grab me by the hair and fuck my ass!"

He read that, got in touch, and after a few weeks of messaging, the day arrived. It was a Thursday morning, around eleven o'clock. I was standing in the living room – well, my mother's living room, where I live, but she was away. I was ice cold, nervous, couldn't wait, was scared, wanted to cancel the whole thing and wanted him to be there at the same time. My hands were shaking. Then I heard a car park. I knew it was him. A knock on the door. Deep breath, and open it.

Interviewer: And for him, 'The Giant', it was no different. He later told me that on the way he had quickly put on his best shirt and – very conveniently – hidden a flogger in the right arm of his jacket because it was too long for his bag!

Renate: (Laughs loudly) Yes! When I opened the door, he said hello and gave me a hug, and whispered in my ear: "See, I'm real. Are you still open to what we discussed?"

Giant and Safe

Interviewer: And what did you think when you saw him for the first time?

Renate: Big, that was my first thought. He is tall, very tall. I knew it, but somehow I didn't. The storm in my head reached dangerous speeds and I almost threw up, but then... it suddenly went quiet.

He hugged me. He felt good, safe and warm. He smelled exactly right. I could finally let go, and I did. My brain went blank, my muscles relaxed, I was already floating. So when a warm whisper came with the command to undress completely, I obeyed. Of course I obeyed.

The Session: Pain and Pleasure

Interviewer: He immediately took you into the room. How did you experience that moment on your knees by the coffee table?

Renate: There I stood, naked in my mother's living room, my eyes on the sofa where she would soon watch her TV shows, and the table where her glass of milk would soon rest next to her book. Behind me stood a stranger who wasn't even that strange, and I felt safe. I was already his.

When I heard his belt click – a sound that this time sounded exciting instead of threatening – I took a deep breath and waited. And when the leather of that belt touched my ass and spread a burning heat over my whole body, I smiled, I relaxed, and I thanked a god I don't even believe in for finally bringing me where I had longed for all these years. My whole body sighed: finally.

Interviewer: He also told me that he took out the whip, tied your ankles and fastened your hands behind your neck to your collar. Did things get rough?

Renate: The belt kept coming down, harder and harder. He then switched to other tools, but my ability to think clearly had already long since disappeared. I was only body anymore, no mind.

The Deflowering of a New Experience

Interviewer: And then came the moment it really came down to: your first anal experience together. How do you remember that?

Renate: When my ass was red enough, he ordered me to stand in front of the armchair. He got out the lubricant, because his first time flogging me was not the only first on the menu. This was also my very first anal partner. He grabbed me by my hair and asked: "Are you ready for it?" and I answered: "Yes."

I had offered my belly to his teeth like an animal if he wanted a sign of trust. But because he is human and I am a very special kind of bitch, I showed my trust by going on all fours and trying to relax while the very last, undiscovered piece of my body was penetrated. And again. Finally.

The desperate, hurried, clumsy fumbling of my previous lovers was wiped away by what was offered here. Offered, taken, stolen. Who knew sodomy could feel so divine? And he came hard deep inside.

After the Storm

Interviewer: You were both sweaty and happy on the hard stone floor afterwards. How did the evening – or afternoon – continue?

Renate: We crawled upstairs for a bit, to my bedroom. I asked if he wanted to let me go, to which he replied: "I could. But I won't."

Before people think he is a dangerous monster now: he held me the whole time while I struggled step by step. He wanted me to struggle to get up, not that I would fall down the stairs. On my bed I was finally allowed to rest, cuddling deliciously while I was still tied up.

Flashes of Happiness

Interviewer: You talk about flashes of memories. What flashes through your mind first?

Renate: His laugh, so warm and new to me. Conversations. Toes in my mouth just before or just after his cock. The taste of sperm, which I really enjoyed for once. A hand in my hair, sometimes tender, sometimes cruel. Teeth sinking into my skin. Fingers sliding inside.

The realization that, despite everything I had said about only wanting sex, I had met a lover just as much as a Dom. The fear and the relief. The pleasure.

Back to Reality

Interviewer: It was still Thursday, around three in the afternoon, right? Time to get back to work!

Renate: (Laughs) Yes! I kissed him goodbye and climbed out of his car to go to work. My ass was bruised and blue and hurt so divinely. My whole body ached.

I looked like I was completely stoned, with eyes so red that it was obvious that I had either smoked or just been stuffed in a cock – and everyone knew I was no stoner. I hadn't had time for a real shower, so I could still smell him everywhere when I moved. I was a total wreck, but I was happy. And proud. Satisfied. Finally.

Interviewer: And are you still?

Renate: I have remained a happy, proud and satisfied wreck ever since.